I just read over what I wrote the other night. It sounds somewhat discombobulated and I am sorry for that. I think it was because everything was spilling out of me so fast.
I have to admit that I still get upset over what happened every now and then. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of it at least once, and the unfairness of it all.
I remember thinking to myself that Tuesday night, "Hmmm the Bible says that all things work together for good to those who love G-d, to those who are the called according to His purposes, Romans 8 verse 28. What good is going to come out of all this?" I have to say the jury is still out on that one but I do trust G-d that I will be able to heal from this and come to peace about it some day.
A few summers ago the L-rd was teaching me about the ripple effect. The ripple effect is as follows. If you throw a pebble into a pool of still water what happens to the water. (I used to do this when I lived at the lake.) A little ripple forms and goes out further and further and further until it disappears. The L-rd showed me that this is what we do with our own lives and namely other peoples lives as well. It can be something we either do, or say. or both. It can cause either good, positive, constructive, healing ripples (or results), or negative, destructive, hurtful, painful results. And it was from that illustration this He started to train me in what were the ways and thoughts of love and what weren't. I still have much learning to do in this area because of a lifetime of wrong thinking.
I would like to point a few things out here about that particular experience. I could have raised a stink over it if I had wanted to but both Chuck and I felt the L-rd wanted us to remain silent.
#1. It says in the videos we had to watch about sexual harrassment that you should talk to someone if you are feeling uncomfortable about anything someone may be doing or saying to you to make you feel uncomfortable. I would like to point out right here and now that M never did. Also I pinched S in the cheek once telling him he was so darn cute that he needed a girl friend. By the way I am old enough to be S's mother and meant it in that way. Anyway S never complained about it and when I asked him about it he said it didn't bother him one way or the other.
#2. M's friend who works in HR and whom he is really close too knew about my notes and candy all along and never said one word to me or anyone else about them.
#3. I always signed my notes "Signed me", so that I could not be implicated in any way.
#4. No one ever came and asked me or talked to be about these things before hand to hear the whole story.
#5. Where were M, T, and S at my meeting with HR since this concerned them as well.
#6. Have I mentioned yet that my boss never even took me aside to tell me she was going to HR about it and in essence betrayed me. I was placed on trial and she, her boss and HR became my judge, jury and executioner.
#7. I was told they wanted me to stay on working there for them. (Yeah like I was going to stay on working there after being betrayed and treated like a 5yr. old and be expected to continue working with the person who betrayed me, and go about my business as though nothing had ever happened?)
#8. And lest we forget I had to sign a piece of paper saying I would not go near M, his cubicle, nor anything near or around it. (What were they going to do, put up cameras around M's cubicle? Or just have spies lurking about making sure I didn't get near it and then tattle on me if I happened to walk by it too closely or something like that?) Or maybe if I looked too long in that direction as I was walking by (and I did have to walk by it, there was no escaping it.)
#9. Why was this even an issue anymore being as almost 4 months had gone by since the last time I had put anything on M's desk?
#10. None of this should have gone to HR. My boss should have taken me aside and talked to me personally (a reprimand) for throwing M's doll and I should have been told that I would be fired if I ever did anything like that again to M or anyone else. And that should have been the end of the story.
#11. And here is where I come in really sounding like a spoiled sport. Everyone else has been able to carry on with their lives as though nothing has happened knowing full well this whole situation was handled very wrongly and badly and I have been left with nothing. I am not positive but I even think what happened to me is illegal.
And if it sounds like the lamb is roaring right now its because she is. I am sorry but this still really burns my cookies sometimes. Also it just feels good to let it all out. Seeing it on proverbial paper makes me feel really good.
I think a case like this would be thrown out of court because of there being circumstantial evidence only for a lot of this stuff. It is nothing but a he said, she said thing.
And now on a sadder note, we went to Chuck's cousins, husbands funeral this afternoon. He was only 61. When I was little I thought that was so old, now I only have 8yrs. to go before I am there myself.
I remember sitting in church one Sunday back in 1969 and looking through the hymnal while the sermon was going on. It gave what date Easter was going to be on through at least the year 2000. And I remember figuring out how old I would be if I reached that year, and I remember thinking "wow I will be so old on that Easter." It is now going to be 11 Easters since 2000 and I am thinking hey Im not that old. Im going to be 53 in a few short weeks but it is actually 53 going on 11. There is a little girl inside this 53 year old body and she will never completely grow up. Life is too much fun with her around and its too short to not have her around.
I have to admit that I still get upset over what happened every now and then. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of it at least once, and the unfairness of it all.
I remember thinking to myself that Tuesday night, "Hmmm the Bible says that all things work together for good to those who love G-d, to those who are the called according to His purposes, Romans 8 verse 28. What good is going to come out of all this?" I have to say the jury is still out on that one but I do trust G-d that I will be able to heal from this and come to peace about it some day.
A few summers ago the L-rd was teaching me about the ripple effect. The ripple effect is as follows. If you throw a pebble into a pool of still water what happens to the water. (I used to do this when I lived at the lake.) A little ripple forms and goes out further and further and further until it disappears. The L-rd showed me that this is what we do with our own lives and namely other peoples lives as well. It can be something we either do, or say. or both. It can cause either good, positive, constructive, healing ripples (or results), or negative, destructive, hurtful, painful results. And it was from that illustration this He started to train me in what were the ways and thoughts of love and what weren't. I still have much learning to do in this area because of a lifetime of wrong thinking.
I would like to point a few things out here about that particular experience. I could have raised a stink over it if I had wanted to but both Chuck and I felt the L-rd wanted us to remain silent.
#1. It says in the videos we had to watch about sexual harrassment that you should talk to someone if you are feeling uncomfortable about anything someone may be doing or saying to you to make you feel uncomfortable. I would like to point out right here and now that M never did. Also I pinched S in the cheek once telling him he was so darn cute that he needed a girl friend. By the way I am old enough to be S's mother and meant it in that way. Anyway S never complained about it and when I asked him about it he said it didn't bother him one way or the other.
#2. M's friend who works in HR and whom he is really close too knew about my notes and candy all along and never said one word to me or anyone else about them.
#3. I always signed my notes "Signed me", so that I could not be implicated in any way.
#4. No one ever came and asked me or talked to be about these things before hand to hear the whole story.
#5. Where were M, T, and S at my meeting with HR since this concerned them as well.
#6. Have I mentioned yet that my boss never even took me aside to tell me she was going to HR about it and in essence betrayed me. I was placed on trial and she, her boss and HR became my judge, jury and executioner.
#7. I was told they wanted me to stay on working there for them. (Yeah like I was going to stay on working there after being betrayed and treated like a 5yr. old and be expected to continue working with the person who betrayed me, and go about my business as though nothing had ever happened?)
#8. And lest we forget I had to sign a piece of paper saying I would not go near M, his cubicle, nor anything near or around it. (What were they going to do, put up cameras around M's cubicle? Or just have spies lurking about making sure I didn't get near it and then tattle on me if I happened to walk by it too closely or something like that?) Or maybe if I looked too long in that direction as I was walking by (and I did have to walk by it, there was no escaping it.)
#9. Why was this even an issue anymore being as almost 4 months had gone by since the last time I had put anything on M's desk?
#10. None of this should have gone to HR. My boss should have taken me aside and talked to me personally (a reprimand) for throwing M's doll and I should have been told that I would be fired if I ever did anything like that again to M or anyone else. And that should have been the end of the story.
#11. And here is where I come in really sounding like a spoiled sport. Everyone else has been able to carry on with their lives as though nothing has happened knowing full well this whole situation was handled very wrongly and badly and I have been left with nothing. I am not positive but I even think what happened to me is illegal.
And if it sounds like the lamb is roaring right now its because she is. I am sorry but this still really burns my cookies sometimes. Also it just feels good to let it all out. Seeing it on proverbial paper makes me feel really good.
I think a case like this would be thrown out of court because of there being circumstantial evidence only for a lot of this stuff. It is nothing but a he said, she said thing.
And now on a sadder note, we went to Chuck's cousins, husbands funeral this afternoon. He was only 61. When I was little I thought that was so old, now I only have 8yrs. to go before I am there myself.
I remember sitting in church one Sunday back in 1969 and looking through the hymnal while the sermon was going on. It gave what date Easter was going to be on through at least the year 2000. And I remember figuring out how old I would be if I reached that year, and I remember thinking "wow I will be so old on that Easter." It is now going to be 11 Easters since 2000 and I am thinking hey Im not that old. Im going to be 53 in a few short weeks but it is actually 53 going on 11. There is a little girl inside this 53 year old body and she will never completely grow up. Life is too much fun with her around and its too short to not have her around.
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