I just finished listening to some songs by Paul Wilbur. Dance with me oh lover of my soul is one of my favorites and I usually start to cry when I hear it. In the live concert version, there is a lady in a white dress that dances around on the stage and I always associate myself with her.
There was a time in my life that I was so bound up with yucky stuff that I was a prisoner in chains. The L-rd gave Chuck a vision of this. He saw me in a prison cell but the door was open. They were chains of my own making. Chuck then said he saw me get up and walk out of the prison cell and the chains came off and I was eventually dancing before the L-rd. This is exactly what has happened to me in my life. My healing has been slow but steady and sure. And I have a ways to go with it yet. Sometimes it feels like 3 steps forward 2 steps back but the point is a little bit of progress is better then no progress at all and lately as I have mentioned before I feel stuck in an eddy in all areas of my life. But G-d is good and faithful and I know He is still working in my life and on me personally and I will be out of this eddy and back on track whenever the time is right. I have learned that timing is everything when it comes to a person's life.
I remember one time when we were still living in Oshkosh that I was walking over to the Chiropractors (sp?). It was winter and as I was walking by the Jackson St. athletic field. I was looking at this big tree that is on the sideline and for some reason I was thinking to myself, I wonder if this is kind of like the sycamore tree that Zaccheaus had to climb in order to get a better view of Jesus? And the L-rd spoke to me and said "You are like Zaccheaus to me". And I just knew He was smiling as He was saying this and I started to cry once again. Not sobbing just tears coming to my eyes.
I had this dream once that I was in what is my version of the most wonderful mall in the world (like the moa only better). I was alone and totally enjoying myself with window shopping and all the sights and sounds when suddenly I came across this store area only there wasn't a store in there instead it was a room with a wall at the back that was made out of like stones and there was a small waterfall coming out of the stones and into a pond surrounded by more of the stones at the bottom of the wall. The floor was concrete and where I was walking by it was all floor to ceiling windows with a glass door in the middle. Closer to the area where I was there was a group of children hanging around someone sitting in a folding chair. They were sitting and standing and laughing and playing. Anyway I looked and said to myself , that looks like Jesus hmmm I wonder if it is and if it is will He notice me? Just as I was thinking this He looked up at me and ours eyes met. I kept walking on past the area but we kept looking at each other. Then I woke up. It is so long ago since I had this dream I am trying to remember more things about it. The parents of these children were standing around watching all this take place including people who were peering in from where I was. I wanted to go in and join them but was afraid to because my heart was unsure. Would I be accepted because I wasn't a kid?, Was that truly Jesus? and so on. Anyway I had the same dream again a short time later and at the time thought they were the best dreams I had ever had. Since then I have had a couple more dreams that are right up there with these 2 and will share them at another time.
Whenever I hear my favorite songs by Paul Wilbur I can't help but start praising the L-rd, it is an automatic response. Today I wanted to put on our prayer shawl and get on my knees before the throne. I got out the prayer shawl to wash it and the next time I listen to Paul Wilbur I will put it on and cover my head with it and worship.
If you get saved, don't expect your life to be totally together all at once. It doesn't happen that way. The Bible says we are supposed to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, neither of which I did for years and I still lose the fear and trembling sometimes but it is a hearts desire of mine to have it.
I have much anger that needs to be dealt with yet but again I know that G-d is faithful and is working on me and will continue to. The anger used to come out in my dreams. I used to be amazed that I would have such violent dreams (killing and maiming and so forth, one time I dreamed I killed a person by breaking every bone in their bodies. I woke up screaming from that one.) I have only had dreams like that once or twice in the last 6 years now. I am just glad anger like that comes out in my dreams and nowhere else. I don't feel so bad though because even Chuck has mentioned having dreams like these. It is our sub concious mind dealing with our anger in a healthy way and I would much rather have it come out in dreams then in reality. In reality the idea of killing or maiming is abhorent to me except for wanting to punch someone in the nose now and then and I have to be really stirred up to want to do that. I have my little soap box issues like we all do, politics and stuff like that but I don't feel like slapping people around just because they don't agree with me.
So anyway now that I have totally gotten off the beaten track with what I was talking about I think I am all talked out for another session. Talk again maybe tomorrow.
There was a time in my life that I was so bound up with yucky stuff that I was a prisoner in chains. The L-rd gave Chuck a vision of this. He saw me in a prison cell but the door was open. They were chains of my own making. Chuck then said he saw me get up and walk out of the prison cell and the chains came off and I was eventually dancing before the L-rd. This is exactly what has happened to me in my life. My healing has been slow but steady and sure. And I have a ways to go with it yet. Sometimes it feels like 3 steps forward 2 steps back but the point is a little bit of progress is better then no progress at all and lately as I have mentioned before I feel stuck in an eddy in all areas of my life. But G-d is good and faithful and I know He is still working in my life and on me personally and I will be out of this eddy and back on track whenever the time is right. I have learned that timing is everything when it comes to a person's life.
I remember one time when we were still living in Oshkosh that I was walking over to the Chiropractors (sp?). It was winter and as I was walking by the Jackson St. athletic field. I was looking at this big tree that is on the sideline and for some reason I was thinking to myself, I wonder if this is kind of like the sycamore tree that Zaccheaus had to climb in order to get a better view of Jesus? And the L-rd spoke to me and said "You are like Zaccheaus to me". And I just knew He was smiling as He was saying this and I started to cry once again. Not sobbing just tears coming to my eyes.
I had this dream once that I was in what is my version of the most wonderful mall in the world (like the moa only better). I was alone and totally enjoying myself with window shopping and all the sights and sounds when suddenly I came across this store area only there wasn't a store in there instead it was a room with a wall at the back that was made out of like stones and there was a small waterfall coming out of the stones and into a pond surrounded by more of the stones at the bottom of the wall. The floor was concrete and where I was walking by it was all floor to ceiling windows with a glass door in the middle. Closer to the area where I was there was a group of children hanging around someone sitting in a folding chair. They were sitting and standing and laughing and playing. Anyway I looked and said to myself , that looks like Jesus hmmm I wonder if it is and if it is will He notice me? Just as I was thinking this He looked up at me and ours eyes met. I kept walking on past the area but we kept looking at each other. Then I woke up. It is so long ago since I had this dream I am trying to remember more things about it. The parents of these children were standing around watching all this take place including people who were peering in from where I was. I wanted to go in and join them but was afraid to because my heart was unsure. Would I be accepted because I wasn't a kid?, Was that truly Jesus? and so on. Anyway I had the same dream again a short time later and at the time thought they were the best dreams I had ever had. Since then I have had a couple more dreams that are right up there with these 2 and will share them at another time.
Whenever I hear my favorite songs by Paul Wilbur I can't help but start praising the L-rd, it is an automatic response. Today I wanted to put on our prayer shawl and get on my knees before the throne. I got out the prayer shawl to wash it and the next time I listen to Paul Wilbur I will put it on and cover my head with it and worship.
If you get saved, don't expect your life to be totally together all at once. It doesn't happen that way. The Bible says we are supposed to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, neither of which I did for years and I still lose the fear and trembling sometimes but it is a hearts desire of mine to have it.
I have much anger that needs to be dealt with yet but again I know that G-d is faithful and is working on me and will continue to. The anger used to come out in my dreams. I used to be amazed that I would have such violent dreams (killing and maiming and so forth, one time I dreamed I killed a person by breaking every bone in their bodies. I woke up screaming from that one.) I have only had dreams like that once or twice in the last 6 years now. I am just glad anger like that comes out in my dreams and nowhere else. I don't feel so bad though because even Chuck has mentioned having dreams like these. It is our sub concious mind dealing with our anger in a healthy way and I would much rather have it come out in dreams then in reality. In reality the idea of killing or maiming is abhorent to me except for wanting to punch someone in the nose now and then and I have to be really stirred up to want to do that. I have my little soap box issues like we all do, politics and stuff like that but I don't feel like slapping people around just because they don't agree with me.
So anyway now that I have totally gotten off the beaten track with what I was talking about I think I am all talked out for another session. Talk again maybe tomorrow.
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