Today I would like to talk a little about what Ive been going through lately. First of all I would like to say that I by no means have my act together and do not pretend to act like I do. I don't know everything there is to know about everything and would not assume to do so. That being said I have been learning a few things along the way in my short 52 years of life.
For the past year now I feel like I have been like a log stuck in an eddy just spinning round and round and really going nowhere at all. I went through some painful things last year about this time and have still not fully recovered from them. The pain has been running deep. Every so often in my life I seem to wind up in this eddy situation but have come to believe that it is the L-rd's way of taking me aside to teach me and show me new things spiritually, so this is bittersweet for me.
I read a devotional today about not complaining or murmuring and it really struck a nerve with me for I am guilty of doing both. I have been feeling like I have been left befind once again. However, every now and then the fog clears from my brain and I can see more clearly. I believe this is what has happened to me today. All this to say perhaps the L-rd has had my life on hold for the sake and benefit of others. Suddenly the proverbial light bulb went on above my head like you see in cartoons and I started thinking hmmm.
I heard a very good sermon once about how our lives may seem like not much or even nothing to us but that we may have been born or placed here all for the sake of someone else or someones else more for their benefit then ours as G-d fulfills His plans and purposes for each persons life. For example I am a foundation G-d has laid for the purpose of another person to come along and start building upon. They wind up being the beautiful building or home but you can't have that without the foundation being laid first.
I believe that everything that happens in our lives including the people that are placed across our paths good or bad, happens for a reason sometimes that only G-d knows. (We may never know). And that nothing is by chance or coincidence. I don't believe I will be stuck in this eddy forever. My whole life thus far has seemed to be a coming out for a time and then a withdrawing and it may be this way until the day I die. Sometimes its by choice, other times the circumstances seem to be forced upon me. I long to be like the apostle Paul who said in whatsoever circumstances I am in I have learned to be content and let me add to this at peace, completely trusting the L-rd with whatever is happening to me. I might add I have a ways to go on this one. This is a toughy for me and always has been, but I also believe that "He who has begun a good work in me (meaning G-d) will perform it until the day of Christ Jesus" and that "The L-rd will perfect that which concerns me."
Father please forgive me for being so duh and caught up in my own circumstances sometimes that I can't see the forest for the trees. Typical me I might add. Thats it for today.