Hi

          I just woke up from a nap and feel really out of it. I could have even slept longer but needed to get up anyway. I sure am glad we are only having leftovers for dinner tonight cause I don't feel like putzing out in the kitchen.
          Anyway whats on my mind right now is that I am so sick and tired of people getting mad at me for allegedly doing something that I didn't do or say and then giving me the cold shoulder for it. This is happening with some people back home right now and someone nearby. This stuff gets so old its moldy. However I can't get too angry because I have done it myself as well. People cause themselves a whole lot of emotional stress by taking on a grudge towards someone for an imagined slight.
          We should always give someone the benefit of the doubt because you never know whats really happening and things aren't always as they appear to be. Sometimes what is going on is entirely different from the way it looks. I have even gotten into trouble for allegedly saying things I have never said. This is ridiculous.
           This is my soap box issue for the day and I am feeling very grrrrrr over this right now. The lamb is roaring inside. See ya around.

Hi

          I don't have much time today as I need to get ready to go over and meet Chuck. But I just wanted to welcome M to the neighborhood. It was nice to see you have your curtains open for those couple of days. It made me feel that you weren't mad at me anymore for my mistake. I hope you enjoy living in the gulag. Its not too bad if you don't ruffle any feathers. This is a nice neighborhood. People are friendly. This is all to say if its even you, but I am sure I saw you across the way in the 7301 building. Maybe you were just visiting a friend but if not, welcome.

Hi

          I don't have much time to write because I have to get ready to meet Chuck.
          But I just wanted to say that I think I have finally figured out who Devils Love is over BOFJFY. I have come to the conclusion after giving it much thought that he is M. This is something I have suspected for quite some time and lately he seems to be giving me more hints that it is him.
          I have thought for quite awhile that BOF is a bogus web site. It doesn't make any sense otherwise. I have looked at each and every one of the profiles on there and some do not have anything but a name, others are involved with websites that would make no sense as to why they would be involved with BOFas well. I could be wrong but I am starting to strongly doubt this. M, I am on to you.
          I am sorry I hurt your feelings the other day when I saw you drive by in your jeep but I was so flabbergasted to see you with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth that it threw me off totally. I felt bad afterward that I didn't say hi or at least wave but by that time it was too late. You don't have to feel bad I meant nothing bad by it. It is what I tried to say in the comments of your last entry on BOF. They never got posted.
          You probably won't be in to read my blog for awhile but at least this will be one of the entries to read when and if you decide to read it again. Now you know that things are not always what they appear to be. I said in another blog entry once before that I cared about you very much. This is as far as things can go for me being as I am married. This is the way it has always been since I first saw you at Q. I do not wish to be your enemy.

Hi

         Ok so here is a silly way to start off writing tonight but whoever started Bath and Body works is totally brilliant. I discovered them a few years ago now and can't imagine life without them. At least I know that if I die tonight, I will at least  die smelling nice. Tropical from head to toe. They have got some of the best stuff out there. I should do an ad for them.
           I am feeling very down. Chuck got sick on something he ate and has been both throwing up and having diahrea so I don't think we will be going anywhere tomarrow. Looks like its going to be a lazy weekend at home. I had this kind of long shopping list too. Tp and cat food and things like that. Oh well what is a person to do? I have had my sick times too and we have had to cancel going places because of it. I took a day off from walking today so I have to make sure I get it in around the neighborhood tomorrow. I guess I will pretend that I am walking over to meet Chuck and just walk that route.
          This is going to sound like I am complaining and maybe I am, but the weather was just a little bit more warmer and humid then what I truly enjoy today. But given the choice over what we had this winter compared to today, I will take today.

          I have been rejected yet again at BOFJFY and have been banned from writing any comments once again. I guess I give up. I am not going to try anymore. Someone over there obviously doesn't like me and they don't want me making any comments. I guess I finally get the hint. I guess I should just stay away from there.
          I have been thinking for the last couple of days about what unconditional love really is. I realize, now that I am an old gramma lady, that my parents always did love me unconditionally, something that the L-rd has been showing me over the last few days. Yes even my dear old Dad.I felt loved by my Mom later in life and then only my Mom. Boy it has taken me so long to realize these things. 53+ years. Better late then never I guess. As for Dad maybe he had to be dead in order for me to truly realize that he did love me unconditionally. It was one of the best kept secrets though. I also felt that at the end of Dads life both him and Mom were deliberately going out of their way to pick on me and hurt me. It wasn't until after my Dad died and my Moms alzheimers starting getting the better of her that she stopped being mean to me and picking on me. I hate to say this, but that is when she started to be enjoyable to be around again. How sad. Life is so strange.
          Well I am going to wrap this up and head off to bed. I could very well possibly be back in here tomorrow if we wind up home all day and possibly Sunday as well which in that case I want to revisit unconditional love some more.
Bye for now.  

Hi Tis I

          Saw M on the way over to meet Chuck today only I didn't realize it was him until it was too late. He had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and it totally blew me away. All I thought was oh no not you too. I seem to have a life surrounded by smokers, not that Im surrounded by M but being around smokers seems to be an inevitability in my life. Funny thing is he never struck me as being a smoker.
          When I was home for Easter, everyone was smoking there as well even people who didn't smoke before were doing it now. Chuck was miserable and I just wanted one. The craving never seems to really go away. But I made a committment to myself after I lost my weight to make healthy choices and to do healthy things for me instead of choosing negative things for myself anymore. All the bad choices I made for myself in the past led to my eventual downfall and I just don't want to sabotage myself anymore. So to all you smokers out there, you too M, smoke away, knock yourselves out, but as for me I need to try and stay strong and true to myself and to do what I know G-d wants me to do. This is for Him and me.
          And M, my prayer for you is that someday you will choose to do nothing but healthy things for yourself as well. Sorry I was so shocked.