This will be the last time I am posting anything on blogger. Whatever I have to say will be said on paper from now on and I will go back to keeping a written journal. Thanks everyone that has read this and I hope you enjoyed it.
Bye
Bye
Friday, August 10, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
The thing that the Lord is laying on my heart today, is to not be afraid but to trust Him. Tougher times are just ahead and we can trust Him to care of us instead of falling to pieces. Like it says in Psalms 46:1-3, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;3Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof." Selah, which means pause and think about it. This Psalm was my Psalm of the day today and then I pray Psalm 91 over myself and my loved ones almost daily as well which is considered to be a Psalm of protection and not fearing once again.
Fear has always been a major issue for me in my life. When I was a child my parents would just scratch their proverbial heads over some of my fears because they didn't understand me. Years later as an adult, a friend of mine handed me a book called the Highly Sensitive Person or hsp's as they are called. She said I thought of you when I read this. Anyway I found myself all over the pages of the book and am part of their website as well. It was finally nice to know that I wasn't some freak and weirdo as so many people led me to believe about myself.
Each of us is made the way that God intended for us to be, every quirk, idiosyncrasy, oddity, or whatever. We are all unique individuals and made in the image of God. But most importantly, He loves us just the way we are. We don't have to put on an act for Him or be on our best behavior. He already knows us better then we know ourselves. We can just come to Him and be ourselves and especially so if we are saved. Being saved isn't an elite club, it is for anyone and everyone from all walks of life. And no you don't have to clean up your act first in order to come to Him. He will take you as you are. God is the only one you will find abosolute love and acceptance from. If you were the only person on the face of this earth, Jesus would have died for you so that you could be with Him and the Father one day. Thats how special we are to Him and in His eyes. For some of us its hard for us to wrap our minds around this and yet never the less it is true. If nothing else about this conversation sticks with you but this then let it be so. And that is "Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so."
Fear has always been a major issue for me in my life. When I was a child my parents would just scratch their proverbial heads over some of my fears because they didn't understand me. Years later as an adult, a friend of mine handed me a book called the Highly Sensitive Person or hsp's as they are called. She said I thought of you when I read this. Anyway I found myself all over the pages of the book and am part of their website as well. It was finally nice to know that I wasn't some freak and weirdo as so many people led me to believe about myself.
Each of us is made the way that God intended for us to be, every quirk, idiosyncrasy, oddity, or whatever. We are all unique individuals and made in the image of God. But most importantly, He loves us just the way we are. We don't have to put on an act for Him or be on our best behavior. He already knows us better then we know ourselves. We can just come to Him and be ourselves and especially so if we are saved. Being saved isn't an elite club, it is for anyone and everyone from all walks of life. And no you don't have to clean up your act first in order to come to Him. He will take you as you are. God is the only one you will find abosolute love and acceptance from. If you were the only person on the face of this earth, Jesus would have died for you so that you could be with Him and the Father one day. Thats how special we are to Him and in His eyes. For some of us its hard for us to wrap our minds around this and yet never the less it is true. If nothing else about this conversation sticks with you but this then let it be so. And that is "Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so."
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
At a crossroad
I have been being confronted at the a crossroad these past couple of days. First of all let me explain that my husband's brother has never liked me. When Chuck and I were dating back in 2005, I was going through some really hard things emotionally. It was the year I was aquantaince raped and I was also trying to get over someone whom I had dated while in treatment the last time who I still had some tail end feelings for. I hold this person indirectly responsible for my rape.
In any case, while I was talking to Chuck on the phone one evening about my feelings for R, his brother and his wife thought they would be funny and pick up the other phone and listen in on our conversation. This led them to over hearing only part of what I was saying about R but it was enough for them to make a snap judgement about me. The other thing that happened was that Chuck told me that his brother would keep him up till all hours of the night wanting to come into his room and play video games when Chuck needed to sleep because he had to get up in the morning and go to work. Anyway I suggested he bring his tv over to my place to stop the whole thing. So we stopped by to pick it up and as Chuck was bringing it down the stairs to put it in the car (I sat in the car waiting), Chucks brother came out on the balcony and was yelling all kinds of threats at me so much so that I put my fingers in my ears so that I couldn't hear him anymore.
It is now 27 years later and Chuck and I were on our way out into the kitchen and he had his computer set up in the living room so that his dad could talk to his brother via skype. As we are making our way down the hall I hear his Dad saying "Oh I don't think anyone can hear me from here" and I I knew he was saying something bad about either me or both of us. My heart just sank and I thought oh no not still after all these years.
I would just like to add that I go out of my way to be helpful with small things as A doesn't want me to chip in too much. I try to stay out of his way and stay in my guilded cage at the back of the apartment. It has not been easy living here these past 7 years and I miss us having a place of our own. But Chuck wants to stay here for his Dads sake because he is 89 and his kidneys are starting to fail him and he really needs us to be here.
And so I stand at a crossroad confronted with forgiving and moving on once again or taking on a grudge. I know that God places us in circumstances like this to see how we handle it and what will we do. So I choose to forgive and move on and leave my hurt with Him, but it still saddens me nevertheless. I don't think I will ever be liked by Chuck's brother because of part of a conversation that was heard and which I wasn't able to defend myself over, 27 years ago.
Learn that things are not always as they appear to be if you can because they aren't. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt. They deserve that much at least. And if you do find yourself to be in the right, put it behind you and move on as quickly as possible. Sometimes it means removing that person from our lives either for awhile or permanently. The situation will dictate that. Other times it just means forgive and move on with that person still in your life. Whenever it trys to invade your thoughts, put them in their place and go on.
In any case, while I was talking to Chuck on the phone one evening about my feelings for R, his brother and his wife thought they would be funny and pick up the other phone and listen in on our conversation. This led them to over hearing only part of what I was saying about R but it was enough for them to make a snap judgement about me. The other thing that happened was that Chuck told me that his brother would keep him up till all hours of the night wanting to come into his room and play video games when Chuck needed to sleep because he had to get up in the morning and go to work. Anyway I suggested he bring his tv over to my place to stop the whole thing. So we stopped by to pick it up and as Chuck was bringing it down the stairs to put it in the car (I sat in the car waiting), Chucks brother came out on the balcony and was yelling all kinds of threats at me so much so that I put my fingers in my ears so that I couldn't hear him anymore.
It is now 27 years later and Chuck and I were on our way out into the kitchen and he had his computer set up in the living room so that his dad could talk to his brother via skype. As we are making our way down the hall I hear his Dad saying "Oh I don't think anyone can hear me from here" and I I knew he was saying something bad about either me or both of us. My heart just sank and I thought oh no not still after all these years.
I would just like to add that I go out of my way to be helpful with small things as A doesn't want me to chip in too much. I try to stay out of his way and stay in my guilded cage at the back of the apartment. It has not been easy living here these past 7 years and I miss us having a place of our own. But Chuck wants to stay here for his Dads sake because he is 89 and his kidneys are starting to fail him and he really needs us to be here.
And so I stand at a crossroad confronted with forgiving and moving on once again or taking on a grudge. I know that God places us in circumstances like this to see how we handle it and what will we do. So I choose to forgive and move on and leave my hurt with Him, but it still saddens me nevertheless. I don't think I will ever be liked by Chuck's brother because of part of a conversation that was heard and which I wasn't able to defend myself over, 27 years ago.
Learn that things are not always as they appear to be if you can because they aren't. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt. They deserve that much at least. And if you do find yourself to be in the right, put it behind you and move on as quickly as possible. Sometimes it means removing that person from our lives either for awhile or permanently. The situation will dictate that. Other times it just means forgive and move on with that person still in your life. Whenever it trys to invade your thoughts, put them in their place and go on.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
This is for your M
I just wanted you to know that I appreciate your love for me. It is time you learned a few things though.
One thing is I don't believe in divorce. Two is I really genuinely love my husband. C came along at a time in my life when I was really hurting and in bad shape. It was right after my aquaintance rape and we were working at the same Target store together. At first I didn't like him, but he grew on me. He asked me out on a Friday night in mid June in 1985 and we were basically inseparable from that moment on. We got married 4 months later. We clicked immediately on that first date and I found someone who was so much like me it was scary. I didn't think there was another person out there that was so much like me and it is still true today.
He took a lot from me because I was hurting so bad from what had happened to me, but the amazing thing to me was that he just stayed and stayed and kept on loving me through it all.
Our marriage hasn't been all rosy and I almost left C twice, but we worked through our differences and came out on the other side stronger then ever. And unless death were to seperate us, I would not leave him. My marriage vows are important to me. C is a good man and always has been. We have been through thick and thin together. He is by best friend as well as my lover. There is nothing I can't share with him or talk about and I have never found this to be so with any other person in my life.
As I have mentioned before, I care about you and C knows this. I don't quite understand why because I barely know you, but I feel a kindred spirit with you in some way.
I was trying to be nice when I put that candy on your desk. I wrote you a note explaining why I did what I did
. C knew and everything I did, I did with C's knowledge and approval because C knows that God uses unusual circumstances and people in my life for healing purposes
and things like that. I felt so bad that you would even think of filing sexual harrassment charges against me. It was the thing that eventually got me into trouble with Brenda and then HR. If it hadn't been for that I would still be working at Q today. Please forgive me for the whole misunderstanding as I wasn't trying to be sexual, I was trying to let you know you were someone I cared about and wanted to get to know. I just didn't know how to go about telling you after you went over to marketing.
So now you know and I hope this clears some things up for you. Signed me.
If you even read this at all.
One thing is I don't believe in divorce. Two is I really genuinely love my husband. C came along at a time in my life when I was really hurting and in bad shape. It was right after my aquaintance rape and we were working at the same Target store together. At first I didn't like him, but he grew on me. He asked me out on a Friday night in mid June in 1985 and we were basically inseparable from that moment on. We got married 4 months later. We clicked immediately on that first date and I found someone who was so much like me it was scary. I didn't think there was another person out there that was so much like me and it is still true today.
He took a lot from me because I was hurting so bad from what had happened to me, but the amazing thing to me was that he just stayed and stayed and kept on loving me through it all.
Our marriage hasn't been all rosy and I almost left C twice, but we worked through our differences and came out on the other side stronger then ever. And unless death were to seperate us, I would not leave him. My marriage vows are important to me. C is a good man and always has been. We have been through thick and thin together. He is by best friend as well as my lover. There is nothing I can't share with him or talk about and I have never found this to be so with any other person in my life.
As I have mentioned before, I care about you and C knows this. I don't quite understand why because I barely know you, but I feel a kindred spirit with you in some way.
I was trying to be nice when I put that candy on your desk. I wrote you a note explaining why I did what I did
. C knew and everything I did, I did with C's knowledge and approval because C knows that God uses unusual circumstances and people in my life for healing purposes
and things like that. I felt so bad that you would even think of filing sexual harrassment charges against me. It was the thing that eventually got me into trouble with Brenda and then HR. If it hadn't been for that I would still be working at Q today. Please forgive me for the whole misunderstanding as I wasn't trying to be sexual, I was trying to let you know you were someone I cared about and wanted to get to know. I just didn't know how to go about telling you after you went over to marketing.
So now you know and I hope this clears some things up for you. Signed me.
If you even read this at all.
Monday, February 27, 2012
I have been really feeling the need to come back in here and write some more. Now that google is changing their whatever you call it, what I say can be announced all over the world. Great, but they may not like what I have to say. Oh well so then they can senser me. I have got to find a new place to blog.
Anyway, I need to warn as many people as possible of whats coming so that they can prepare as well.
Not that anyone reads this stuff but its out there in case they do.
I was a year off about gas prices going up. The 5 dollars for a gallon of gas is this year not last.
Look for the war with Israel and Iran to possibly be postponed until september or october because that is when the elite want it to be. And once they close the strait of Hormuz is when gas prices are going to really sky rocket. Expect the price of food is going to climb even higher then it already is. And stock some staples up for the rainy day that is coming. The elite want the american dollar to be dead by the end of 2012 so that they can eventually bring out the world currency that is coming. That is after we have suffered for awhile and will be open and begging for anything they send our way. Scraps anyone? Don't let whats coming catch you off guard. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Unless G-d himself steps in and intervenes for a time yet, things are going to get really ugly.
If you really want to know what is happening and is going to happen tune into the Alex Jones program. Contrary to popular belief he is not a conspiracy theorist, he is a truth teller. I have been listening to him with my husband for months now and the man really knows what he is talking about. America is already under a type of marshall law and it is only going to get worse. Look for some type of serious thing or things to happen on the order of September 11, 2001 and once it does, watch out because marshall law will then go into full swing and the ptb are just chomping at the proverbial bit to use any excuse to round us up and start shipping us off to the various fema camps that are scattered about across the U.S., some of us to our deaths, others to be reconditioned, and others to be just plain old pows. Think WWII in Germany and what happened over there, also think George Orwell's 1984. This is it folks, hold on to your hats and batton down the hatchs. This is just the calm before the storm that we are in right at the moment. Some of it has already begun and is already here. Wait and see as to what happens next. And no I have not gone mad, I feel more sane now then I ever have, just grieved that all this stuff is coming down the pike and so many people are so blind to it and do not have a clue. It will come upon them as a theif in the night and they will be saying things like "how come I never saw this coming" when it has been right under their noses all along. The elite have done everything they possibly can to put us to sleep. They use tv, sports, music, they have poisoned our food and our water. Some people have woken up and will continue to do so but others are going around with their heads in the sand and will continue to do so until it is too late. All I can say is L-rd have mercy. And if you still think I am crazy then please remember this blog when everything starts to unravel.
Anyway, I need to warn as many people as possible of whats coming so that they can prepare as well.
Not that anyone reads this stuff but its out there in case they do.
I was a year off about gas prices going up. The 5 dollars for a gallon of gas is this year not last.
Look for the war with Israel and Iran to possibly be postponed until september or october because that is when the elite want it to be. And once they close the strait of Hormuz is when gas prices are going to really sky rocket. Expect the price of food is going to climb even higher then it already is. And stock some staples up for the rainy day that is coming. The elite want the american dollar to be dead by the end of 2012 so that they can eventually bring out the world currency that is coming. That is after we have suffered for awhile and will be open and begging for anything they send our way. Scraps anyone? Don't let whats coming catch you off guard. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Unless G-d himself steps in and intervenes for a time yet, things are going to get really ugly.
If you really want to know what is happening and is going to happen tune into the Alex Jones program. Contrary to popular belief he is not a conspiracy theorist, he is a truth teller. I have been listening to him with my husband for months now and the man really knows what he is talking about. America is already under a type of marshall law and it is only going to get worse. Look for some type of serious thing or things to happen on the order of September 11, 2001 and once it does, watch out because marshall law will then go into full swing and the ptb are just chomping at the proverbial bit to use any excuse to round us up and start shipping us off to the various fema camps that are scattered about across the U.S., some of us to our deaths, others to be reconditioned, and others to be just plain old pows. Think WWII in Germany and what happened over there, also think George Orwell's 1984. This is it folks, hold on to your hats and batton down the hatchs. This is just the calm before the storm that we are in right at the moment. Some of it has already begun and is already here. Wait and see as to what happens next. And no I have not gone mad, I feel more sane now then I ever have, just grieved that all this stuff is coming down the pike and so many people are so blind to it and do not have a clue. It will come upon them as a theif in the night and they will be saying things like "how come I never saw this coming" when it has been right under their noses all along. The elite have done everything they possibly can to put us to sleep. They use tv, sports, music, they have poisoned our food and our water. Some people have woken up and will continue to do so but others are going around with their heads in the sand and will continue to do so until it is too late. All I can say is L-rd have mercy. And if you still think I am crazy then please remember this blog when everything starts to unravel.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Hi
I know I haven't been in here in awhile but I haven't felt like saying much as of late. I have some things that are laying heavy on my heart and I want to talk about some of them. One being people that are over sensitive about just about anything.
Another one is about how important marriage vows are to G-d and the goofy reasons people use these days to get a divorce.
I don't have the time to say much tonight but the L-rd has been prompting me to get back in here and write again so I am going to do that. Perhaps tomorrow.
Another one is about how important marriage vows are to G-d and the goofy reasons people use these days to get a divorce.
I don't have the time to say much tonight but the L-rd has been prompting me to get back in here and write again so I am going to do that. Perhaps tomorrow.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Hi
I just woke up from a nap and feel really out of it. I could have even slept longer but needed to get up anyway. I sure am glad we are only having leftovers for dinner tonight cause I don't feel like putzing out in the kitchen.
Anyway whats on my mind right now is that I am so sick and tired of people getting mad at me for allegedly doing something that I didn't do or say and then giving me the cold shoulder for it. This is happening with some people back home right now and someone nearby. This stuff gets so old its moldy. However I can't get too angry because I have done it myself as well. People cause themselves a whole lot of emotional stress by taking on a grudge towards someone for an imagined slight.
We should always give someone the benefit of the doubt because you never know whats really happening and things aren't always as they appear to be. Sometimes what is going on is entirely different from the way it looks. I have even gotten into trouble for allegedly saying things I have never said. This is ridiculous.
This is my soap box issue for the day and I am feeling very grrrrrr over this right now. The lamb is roaring inside. See ya around.
Anyway whats on my mind right now is that I am so sick and tired of people getting mad at me for allegedly doing something that I didn't do or say and then giving me the cold shoulder for it. This is happening with some people back home right now and someone nearby. This stuff gets so old its moldy. However I can't get too angry because I have done it myself as well. People cause themselves a whole lot of emotional stress by taking on a grudge towards someone for an imagined slight.
We should always give someone the benefit of the doubt because you never know whats really happening and things aren't always as they appear to be. Sometimes what is going on is entirely different from the way it looks. I have even gotten into trouble for allegedly saying things I have never said. This is ridiculous.
This is my soap box issue for the day and I am feeling very grrrrrr over this right now. The lamb is roaring inside. See ya around.
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